As I mentioned in the last post I’ve been struggling with mental health during 2020 and 2021. After talking with my psychologist trying to explore exactly what it is it was pretty clear that the major cause behind it was me worrying about my health and lately also my son’s.
I don’t know if I watched too much “House” or if it’s the availability of information but I’ve been self diagnosing myself for years and most of the time it was harmless. But since summer of 2019 I’ve taken it up quite a few notches to the level that I got panic attacks over small things. It could be a pain in my arms, something with my breathing, it was always something terminal. Or something serious enough that I couldn’t work anymore or something like that. Unfortunately it didn’t stop there – I would keep playing out the scenario that would end with us losing the house and “what would my wife do if it really was terminal”, all those thoughts that I couldn’t help having and losing sleep over. It doesn’t help that I know on the intelligent level that it’s ridiculous, when my mind started racing away it was too late.
But it didn’t stop there, when I started doing the same every time my son complained about something being wrong that’s when it got totally out of control. In my defense – the doctors still haven’t diagnosed reasons behind some things. Then you add a pandemic on top of that and eventually I broke.
But seeing a professional and talking about it really helped. I got some tips how to try to control it, also some breathing exercises and I even tried happy pills for a while. And now I still find myself having these thoughts but I’m way better at controlling it, being able to distract my mind with something and it’s been quite a while since I lost sleep over it! And it helps that so far after some 15 examination (everything from MRI and a camera up my ass) no one has found anything serious wrong with me.
stoff
You must be logged in to post a comment.