HATING FUNERALS
Posted on Mar 22, 2002
in Eden, Life by stoff
So, did anyone of you wonder why on earth I was actually thinking about not going to my best friend’s funeral?
When I was thinking about it, I asked myself “why should I?”. And the first answer I came up with is “because you’re just suppose to!”. And that’s so true, you’re just suppose to go, it’s what you do! If you don’t show up, people will think you’re a self-centered asshole. But is that reason enough? I really don’t want people to think I’m an asshole. But compare that to all the planning, work and emotional control it required to going… there’s gotta be something else! How about “so you can say a final goodbye”? NO! I’m not there yet. I’m still in a little bit of denial. And when I get there, shouldn’t I be able to say goodbye to him in my way, in the way I think is appropriate. So that’s not it.. How about “to support everyone else”? Fair enough, but that didn’t happen since every ounce of conscious thought went into trying not to burst out in tears myself, so I wasn’t able to support anyone else. Which, in retrospect, I really should have.
The only valid reason I came up with was “to show everyone what a good friend of his you were”. So good that I’ll go through all of this, so good that I could actually give a little eulogy. And no, I’m not applauding myself here, it’s just that I’m wondering what the real purpose is, why does everyone else go through this?
On a happier note, the new design is absolutely beautiful, some of my best work. Will be up this weekend.
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