stoff
There’s alot going on but I really don’t know how much I can say without having to face the music “in real life”. That “chapter closed” is still closed, we’re simply just not talking anymore which makes me kinda sad how something so good can end so badly. But I did manage to get another date through the web-dateing site, but she had found this place even before we first met so I’m not gonna go into details, don’t wanna ruin another one. And I “dinged” 93 kilos the other day (“dinged” is a very technical World of Warcraft term for achieving a goal), but unfortunately I’ve really slacked the past few days so gotta be careful with that. Other than that – life walking along nicely with my biggest concerns being if I should buy a new 8 gig Clix MP3 player or wait for the 16 gig Apple iTouch.
So remember that “chapter closed” comment, it had one little reservation – “anything revolutionary happening”. Well it did. For the worse. And I got so pissed of at it I was jumping around my apartment trying to let it all out. I’m surprised my knuckles are still working. No, no details. It was just … bad.
But what is good is I wook up, wasn’t as pissed but still pretty much on the dark side but by the time I got to work I was smiling and feeling “life is good”. Moby’s “Everloving” and a long outside walk to work at lunchtime will do that to you. Life is just too short to stay mad at people and carry grudges.
That comment yesterday may need explanation and if she wants one I’ll be happy to, just not here. I have no problems laying out my whole life here, but this wasn’t only my life.
But anyway!… I don’t know how I do it. I am not good at counting exactly how much money I spend, where it goes and exactly how much I have left but on any given month I have a few hundred left on the 24th (since 25th is payday). I can’t remember the last time it didn’t work out, somehow. Well guess what – it’s the 24th and I have 30 swedish crowns left and 6 hours to payday! How’s that for planning?! .. ofc it did mean taking the car to work but I’m a problem solver!
I had written an update here after I got home from a party yesterday, but after thinking about it I realised it wasn’t appropriate. I’ll just sum it up with this – I’ve never wanted a girl in her undies less than I did yesterday. Those who gets it gets it, those who don’t don’t need to.
Back when I was in college (like 13 years ago) I started a pretty bad habbit. I went to bed way too late on saturday, which meant waking up at noon on sunday which resulted in not falling asleep until 2am on sunday -> monday and up at 6 to get to school (or now “work”) and this all resulted in me hating to get up on tuesday morning since my body desperately needed to catch up on the sleep. It was a huge problem back then cause I think I missed like 7-8 tuesday lectures, which was alot considering I was only going to lectures for 3 months until I went into “forget the questions someone give me another beer”-mode. And it still plagues me. This morning I was totally considering calling in sick ’cause I had less than 0 energy. But my allegiance to my friend and collegue Peter that would’ve had a terrible day alone was too great so I dragged my ass up and onto the train. And by the time I got to Stockholm it was all normal and now after an italian lunch I so wanna go back to bed again. Am I lazy or what!?
I know this is getting old. About 10 months old. But just one more…
After 2 1/2 weeks she decided to write me back on that, and she did it with something borderlining poetry which I didn’t expect. But being the deep guy I can be I totally got what she wrote. Totally, 100%. Unfortunately for us she had gotten her pronounces mixed up because everytime she said “you” she meant “me” and when she said “me” she meant “you”. Either that or she felt exactly what I felt but thought I felt the complete opposite. Misunderstandings sux. And I’m just too tired to sort it out, and for what?
Another weird twist was that in my response to her I kinda nailed my problem all along. I can’t say I loved her (we never got that far). I’m actually not sure just how much I wanted her. But what I do know is I loved how I felt when I was with her and I would give everything for feeling what I felt at that one perfect moment back in May.
But, with reservation for anything revolutionary happening, I can finally say…
Chapter closed.
There’s not alot happening at the moment. Life goes on, throws its curve balls but nothing major at all right now. Got a relaxing weekend which is probably gonna result in me seeing 300 twice, good thing it’s a good movie! And some sweet formula one from Belgium which is always offering some surprises. And I hit 94 kilos this morning which I guess means I might as well continue until 89 (why make it even?). And as expected when I tried to get deep and talk emotions with “her” she shut down. And we’re bound to meet up again at a party next weekend so looking forward to that… or am I… oh well, gonna enjoy this rainy Friday with a beefy burger and complete apathy towards everything!
I should have learned by now – never go into something with very high expectations. I went into this weekend with very high expectations and as always got disappointed. Friday night was ok but should’ve been better, it just never kicked off, it was just mediocre. Although saturday was completey up to expectations but sunday was just awful, terrible F1 race and very boring WoW raid and today I feel a bit disappointed. So let’s go into the next weekend with no expectations at all – even if it is a F1 weekend again!
One more weekend full of plans, all of it good!
Tonight – beer & dining with some friends to celebrate a guy’s 30th birthday. Tomorrow – after the f1 qualifying going back home to my parents for a day of fun with even more beer and my mothers special cooking. And on sunday going to O’Learys to enjoy the F1 race with even more beer and their special cooking, and ending it all with an evening of WoW. I wish every weekend could be like that!
Have fun!
The downside of loosing that weight is ofc now I gotta buy alot of new clothes. And the thing is I don’t know I’m quite done loosing it, wanna hit below 90 for the first time since I was 18. I know, it’s a far fetched goal but it’s something to aim at! But today I did something I haven’t done in a long, long time. 6 years to be exact. I bought a new leather jacket. I haven’t had to buy jackets for a long time since I got alot of free stuff when I worked as a consultant. But now I had to buy one and it set me back $200 but well worth it. That almost made up for my visit to the dentist earlier today that didn’t only set me back $100 but also showed I need overhaul in there and that’s always expensive…
$10 if you know where that quote comes from 🙂
I don’t like a little bit of chaos. I get too worked up and think too much and it’s just wrong. Like if the train is 10 minutes late I’ll get worried about making it into to work and that thing I had to do first thing in the morning. But fortunately, when the shit really hits the fan I have a really good ability to just lay back and enjoy the chaos and anarchy. And today was one of those times! I got to the trainstation at my usual time, 7:15. And it was a madhouse, no trains going nowhere. So I go to the taxi stop right next to it and there are like hundred people waiting for taxis there, everyone worried about their little thing. So I get into my car instead and start driving and it’s total chaos on the roads too. Tunnels closed, alot of construction works, accidents, really everything shitty happened this morning. And there I was, sitting in the middle of it all and all I could think about was.. “I forgot to shave this morning”…
>Some people may remember I made a promise a few months ago to try to get my overweight ass down to 95 kilos from “whatever it is now” before end of my vacation. It turned out “whatever it was” was 107, so that was 12 kilos. I started mid-june and now my vacation is over with and… I just missed it… 95.5 this morning. But I’m pretty happy with that, especially considering I almost hit 120 on July 1st 2006. It’s not like I’m obsessed with it or it’s a huge problem for me but it felt pretty good. Gonna try 90 for next summer.
So how did I do it? Any special diet plan or technique, any atkins or something? … nope, plain physics. One of the most basic rules in physics is energy that can’t be created or destroyed, only converted from one form or another. So basically, if I eat 1.000 kalories in a day and don’t convert that somehow I’ll go up. So I just tipped it over – big time. Ate way too little and excercised way too much. Not the most healthy way I guess but the only way I can do it since I can’t change my life to start eating healthy food and stuff and make excercise a daily thing, it just won’t work. So I’ll just be content condensing it and doing it for a few weeks at a time.
But today… pizza hut buffet !!
It took a friend reminding me of a topic of conversation on saturday night to realise what it was that had that affect on me that I couldn’t explain. It seems we got to talking about computer gaming, one of the few things here in life where I rule, and _she_ (you all know her by now) expressed some opinions that … well, let’s just say that had a guy said it may have gotten physical. I dunno if I am way, way too analynical about stuff, but I can spend hours wondering about one little conversation, the phrasing or even one word. But yesterday as I was going over what was said and done on saturday evening… I think I don’t like her at all anymore. Which is cool considering that for the past few months I haven’t known what to feel..
Oh, pizza!!
I spent friday driving around stockholm again and chilling in my apartment with my brother and watching a few movies and playing some Playstation. A very relaxed and nerdy way to spend a friday but it was enjoyable nontheless. On saturday we went down to Nynäshamn to bowl with my sister and her kid and oddly enough on the very last series we all finished within 1 point of eachother, that’s how tight it was. Then it was off to a housewarming party at a friends place on the north-western side of stockholm, an area I’m pretty much never around. And it was a good party, not that wild and afaik nothing to be embarrassed over. (Update: apparently I had gotten a bit too physical at one point that got pretty embarrassing)
But something sure did happen and I don’t know what. I met _her_ again at the party but I pretty much knew nothing would happen this time around and it was probably all for the best but we did talk alot and I don’t know exactly about what but it must’ve been deep cause it got me depressed as hell the day after and I don’t know why?… that woman is no good for me basically. Anyway, trying to get home from that place was surprisingly easy even without a taxi but I ended up walking. 5 kilometers. At 3 am… that’s the state I was in that it seemed like a good idea at the time…
Then on sunday I crawled out of my bed at around 12-ish, walked all the way to the soffa and crashed there for 6 hours enjoying some crap movies and a pretty uneventful Formula 1 race and finished the weekend playing some WoW.
A very strange weekend for me indeed and I’m still very confused what really happened that got me depressed?…
Oh, ice cream!!
As if that “you’re losing your hair!” comment wasn’t enough to make me feel old I got one more sign that you’re getting old – “when you get the lyrics to the ‘Cheers’ theme”.
One of the few things I like about kids is that they lack this filter that grownup have that makes us unable to just say the cold simple truth about things. And this week one of my nieces showed that by spontaneously stating “you’re losing your hair!”. That was a funny moment 🙂
I’ve known that fact for the past year or so that it’s gettig a bit barren up there but thought that I was exaggerating a bit but when she laid it out like I guess I’m not! And it’s with mixed feelings really. The positives is ofc that I won’t have anymore bad hair days, I won’t have to get that many haircuts, I’ll save money on hair products, I’ll cut off another 3-4 minutes in my morning routine to sleep a little bit longer and I hope to do it Patrick Stewart / Bruce Willis / Michael Chiklis style. And the only one negative thing I can come up with is… it’s another reason for chicks to pick the other guy than me. And I’m sorry for sounding so shallow but that’s the single’s life for you…
About 10 years ago I met this woman when we were going to see the latest Star Trek movie “First Contact”. She was all kinds of weird and interesting but also married with children so being friends would have to do. Little did I know that 10 years later we’d still be very close friends having supported each other through very rough times and I’ve talked to her about things I haven’t talked to anyone else about. And last weekend she again proved what a great friend she is! She knows I’m a huge Battlestar Galactica fan and she somehow managed to get a hold of the Playboy issue featuring Tricia Helfer! Now how many women would do that for a guy!?
I was reading the papers the other day that was doing a summary of last few months weird weather that’s caused a heatwave that’s killed a few hundred people down in south Europe and now all the flooding in Britain that’s now coming over here. And it made me wonder… how long are we talking until mankind has to go into survival mode? I’m talking apocalyptic, primal “survival of the fittest” mode where morals and conscious goes out the window. It looks more and more likely it’ll be in my lifetime. I honestly think we could use a good viral epidemic or something that’d wipe a billion or two, that seems to be the only thing that can help this. May sound assholish but fewer people, less consumerism, less energy, less heat, fewer problems… for the ones that survive anyway.
So glad I don’t have kids…
I didn’t have anything special planned this weekend. So I just kicked back, watched a movie or two, played some WoW and other stuff and just relaxed. Nothing to do and all weekend to do it. A few years ago I loved weekends like that. Dunno if I’m getting too old or what but now those weekends feels almost wasted. I feel I should either spend more time with my family or friends or be out finding the woman of my dreams or do something productive in any way. But nope.
So did you watch the Live Earth thingy? I did. Kinda. I watched it, but not live. I left my place at 15 and just sat the recorder to record until 8 the morning after and I watched during sunday, so I could easily fast forward the boring parts. I’m so tired of rap music from MTV that I can’t stand it in these concerts. Anyway, overall I think it was a great show and they really got the message through. Personal favorites would be Wolfmother in Sydney, Linkin Park in japan, Metallica and Madonna (she may not e 20… or 30… and soon not even 40 anymore, but she can still rock like none other) in London, Joss Stone in Johannesburg, Katie Melua in Hamburg, Lenny in Rio and Alicia Keys in NY. I liked some of the small films but after seeing the same one 10 times it got boring.
The only complaint I have is actually the swedish broadcast. Especially the early broadcast when they had a guy that read everything off the internet and pretended to know music and his guests that couldn’t really decide what they were and what music they liked. The evening crew was much better though, especially Per “the long haired meteorologist”, he really got into the issues and sat some facts straight and had alot of interesting things to say. The night crew followed the morning crews tradition of reading stuff off the internet as they were broadcasting but not nearly as annoying. Next time I’m gonna demand to get the straight satellite feed so I don’t have to put up with that shit again cause I remember they screwed up the Live 8 thing too.
One question though… how much energy does it take to run 8 big concerts like this with complete “good enough for Metallica” speakers. Just out of curiosity?…