MY MORNINGS

I bet that’s more than you wanted to know about me, huh?

HOW TO AVOID SCARING WOMEN

Hm, about this “women fearing strange guys”-thing, it reminds me of a problem that we guys have. Imagine this scenario that have happened to me alot ; coming home late, say around 11, and walking home from the train station. Now I take the scenic route home, it’s a bit longer but I’m the “smell the flowers”-kinda guy. And 15-20 meters ahead of you is a woman also walking home, alone. What do you, as a guy , do ? The women I’ve heard answer that says “walk past her, then she won’t see you as a threat”. But how do you do that without scaring her? I mean, if you all of a sudden start walking faster she’ll grab the mace! And I can’t walk slower to increase the distance, ’cause… well, women’s normal walk-pace is my slow-pace. If I’d walk any slower I’d be standing still, and we’re back to the mace. It’s a very uncomfortable scenario. For both of us I guess 🙁

TRYING TO BE A GENTLEMAN

And just when I thought I was the most charming man on the planet I get reality thrown in my face! As I was driving home from my parents place out on the countryside where the busses only goes once every two hours I saw a woman standing in the middle of nowhere waiting for the bus. Since I had been driving that road for a while and hadn’t seen any bus, I thought she might have just missed it and needed a ride or something. It turns out that she had indeed missed it (but she was hoping it was running late), and the next bus wasn’t due for another two hours. So I asked if she wanted a lift to catch up with the bus which she did, but she did not wanna get into a car with a stranger, especially not a single 100-kilo 27 year-old. And who can blame her? I probably would’ve reacted the same way if I’d been a woman. But I felt really uncomfortable just leaving her standing in the middle of nowhere like that, I just hope she lived around there so she had somewhere to go.

That’s another example how a few bad men can ruin it for the rest of us.

GETTING OLD

SO ..

So my mother thinks I should stop using “So” to start these updates. But you know, it’s like everyone has a word or expression they use abnormally much. Like a F1 commentator uses “precisely” on average 1.21 times per lap, and Juan Pablo Montoya uses “you know”, and Schumacher “to be honest” and Natalie Portman “like” and so on. So I use “so”, so sue me 🙂

And Will Smith and Wycleaf Jean are in town. And boy do we know it, it’s been hyped to the max in the media. Are they really so bored they have to write what these two guys had for breakfast? It’s like a couple of weeks ago when the biggest headline was that princess Madeleine was finally old enough to buy her own alcohol. I can really see that happening, Madeleine buying her own alcohol. Exactly how would that go? In case you didn’t know, we have government control on alcohol so we have a special chain of stores that only sells alcohol, noone else is allowed to. You can’t stop at a 7-11 and buy anything stronger than 3.5%. And these places tends to get very overcrowded, especially around the holidays. So yeah, I can really see Madeleine waiting in line to buy her alcohol. And then being asked about her age and ID card to prove it. As if …
(now all the smart readers are thinking “how can you bash the media for talking about it when you’re just as bad”. Well, I don’t get the hundreds of thousands of hits everyday or sell a million issues! They should have something better to cover than that!)

MOVING ON

So have I learnt to appreciate life on another level now after my car accident?… Not really. Probably because I never felt like my health was in danger, although now that I’ve gone over it a few times I realise it may very well have ended alot worse than it did. But what I do appreciate on another level know is the obligatory skid training we have here in Sweden. A 4 hour course in which you learn what it’s like to lose control of a car. ‘Cause without that training I’m pretty sure I would’ve reacted in the normal way by trying to make that turn instead of aiming for the softest place to crash.

I’ve also learnt to appreciate helpful strangers, and hope to become one too some day 🙂

V

So “V” started on swedish TV last night. I love that TV series. It’s got everything good sci-fi should have – good entertainment, good premise, good characters, good actors, good dialogue, good effects (for the era) and something this series has plenty of – historical references. Watch the series and replace all the times they say “scientists” with “jewish” and you’ll find it pretty scary!

It could almost pass as a historical documentation of the rise of the Third Reich, the operation of the French resistance and the persecusion of jews. I think Kenneth Johnson hit the mark with that show. Too bad it didn’t work out in the long run 🙁

Btw, a question of human behaviour ; my sense of humor is pretty much based on sarcasm, irony and just mean quick one-liners. That’s usually ok because most people can take it. Yesterday I found someone who couldn’t. This person had sent over his new website he wanted me to put up for him and he asked me again yesterday to put it up, totally oblivious about my adventures behind the wheel. So I said “So what if I crashed my car last night, as long as I put up your homepage everything will be fine”. Any normal person would’ve replied something like “oh, sorry, I didn’t know. Are you ok?”. But not him. His reply was 33 capital letters screaming “how tha hell could I’ve known!?” and then a comment that I’m always “so f*cking rude!”. So how could he have known? Well my sister found out by reading this space. So had the guy that I called friday morning to ask for a vacation day. So how does this person react to the suggestion of reading my homepage? 43 more capital letters and another curse was the reply.

If you’ve followed this diary-thing a while you should know who in my circle of friends has a real hard time taking criticism.

CRASHING

So I finally did it – had a big accident with my car. I’m not surprised, I’ve had it coming for as long as I’ve been driving! I was at a party in Åkersberga, north of Stockholm. I stayed sober because I knew I was driving home. So at about 11 pm. I get into my car and start to drive home. Come to a runabout, turn into the runabout and just at the apex I lose all grip and just go straight forward into a 6 feet deep ditch and just go straight on for a good 40 feet until I come to a stop, avoiding everything man-made in the process. First a nice woman stops to see that I’m ok, then Markus and his future wife Linda drives by and doesn’t believe what they’re seeing but stops to see if I’m ok and what can be done. We look at the mess and I’m just thinking “shit, is my car ok?” while they’re thinking “shit, is Kris ok?”. Fortunately the answer is yes to both of them. Except a muddy car and a little unbalanced wheel everything is ok! I can blame it on bad grip (it had been raining), or bad tyres (I’ve always said they have terrible grip!) but the idiotic truth is that had I gone a bit slower I’d come home 1 minute later and made the curve.

The nicest surprise was a bunch of guys that drove by, saw that something was wrong, stopped, took a look at it and said “this is do-able” So in reverse they drove my car out of the ditch, which turned out to be a muddy little water stream. I was shaking a little so I wasn’t really in any condition to drive backwards. So a huge thanx to these guys I’d never seen before and probably never will – saved my day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY USA

Well happy birthday to the United States of America. About 220 years old and they’re running the world, bombing Afghanistan, makes the stockmarkets crash , arming their citizens to the teeth, demanding the palistinian leader to be replaced , killing their own citizens in the name of justice and demanding that their soldiers get immunity from the first ever international court for warcrimes. Way to go 🙂

One of my favorite tracks at the moments is the “Star of ’45” medley with alot of 60′ and 70’s songs all bunched up into one. And the lyrics for one of them, some anti-Vietnam war song I suppose, is very applicable to Bush – “you say you don’t believe in war, well what’s that gun your touting?”

BUSY

Busy, busy, busy. So much going on now, most of it fun.

So I was called as an expert in sci-fi movies and later Star Trek during the sci-fi convent here. And a very interesting thing happened. During the first discussion, “100 years of sci-fi” the conclusion we all reached was that sci-fi movies were alot better in the old days because they went more for good story than eye-candy (space battles, effects and whatnot). Back when they were deep and explored mankind instead of exploring the bounderies of CGI. Kinda frightening how close that conclusion is to my recent bashing of the music industry :).

The general consensus was that it all started going to hell after “Alien” and “Star Wars”. But there is hope now that sci-fi is once again going deep and making you think – A.I and Minority Report are two recent examples. (although I didn’t really like A.I)

In the second debate we were suppose to have a little battle over which sci-fi universe (Star Trek, Babylon 5, Star Wars, Alien…) was the best one. I was the voice for Star Trek. And I believe I was the moral victor because my initial statement was “Since I’m a trekker I shouldn’t be here, because the point of Star Trek is learning to respect other people and their opinions so I can’t really tell anyone that they’re wrong since in the Star Trek spirit no opinion can be wrong”. Hehe, tell that to any Babylon 5 freak who always sends in his navy of Whitestars…

THE SMALL THINGS

Do you know what we’ve never seen? James Bond having problems parking his car or getting a ticket! Seriously, I was driving out to a customer to install an internet router, and my biggest worry was where to park the car. That’s when it hit me that we’ve never seen James Bond have that kind of trouble. I’ve never seen him pay for parking or anything! And that proves just how much I think about the little practical things that become big problems if I hadn’t been one step ahead.

OLD ACQUIESCENCES

Last saturday we had a little party here at my parents house. They’re away for a week and I’m in charge, so naturally there’ll be a party! Anyway, it was going to be a normal BBQ with the usual crew (AC, her hubby Paul and my “brother” Jocke) but on this special occasion, two women I’ve known since I was five came – Lina and Helena. Lina I’ve seen and talked to a little now and then, but Helena have been living a little all over so I haven’t really talked to her for over 10 years (not counting the occasional “hello”s). And it was good catching up a little with her.

See, I live my life after my own set of “Rules of Conduct” to ensure that if I’d die, noone will have anything bad to say about me. And I can count the people who may have something bad to say about me on one hand. And now there is one less! Because the last time we “talked” it was during my teens when I had done some really stupid things, so I’ve always felt that when we lost contact it was on a bad note. But now I think I’m redeemed.

And on a very, very happy note – Helena’s boyfriend (yeap, all good ones are still taken) name is Timothy, but called Tim or… TIMMYYYY!… and I started laughing when I heard her say that and I had to explain that I’m a South Park-fan and that’s why TIMMYYY is pretty funny, and guess what she counters with? She was one of the dancers performing the “BLAME CANADA!” number during the 2000 Oscars! DUDE!

MTV MOVIE AWARDS

Did you see the MTV Movie Awards? Natalie was presenting an award so more or less had to see it. This is one of the few award shows I still have a little bit of respect for! Anyway, Seann William Scott won an award (for best kiss with Jason Biggs… don’t ask!), and in his acceptance speech he said something like “five years ago, I was working in a zoo, now look at me!”.

And that got me thinking – just how much in life is left to chance. Everything from having the good parents, the right genetic makeup/DNA, sibblings, teachers in school, job oppurtunities, meeting the right one and to not be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Just how much of that can you actually control yourself? Not a lot….

COINCIDENCE

So it turns out it was coincidence after all, cause she’s getting married in the near future. Good for her! And I really mean that. And as far as the guy goes… I can’t tell you how many sunday mornings that guy has been responsible for waking me up 🙂

BIRTHDAY

So yesterday was my birthday. And I didn’t really enjoy it because I found another “signs that you’re getting old” – hangovers! They’re getting worse and worse! I remember when hangovers only last a couple of hours and took a gallon of water to cure. No more, I was feeling terrible all day yesterday. Which wasn’t nice since we had a nice bbq planned with my family and stuff, I wasn’t too… happy 🙁 But always look on the bright side – saturday evening was hilarious.

And do you remember that radio-chick I was talking about a year back? The babe that disappeared to finland but returned out of the blue on the radio the day before the most sacred days for me – Christmas? That was a nice surprise, but guess who was in charge of the night shift on the radio yesterday when I went to bed? Coinsidence that she comes on the radio on the two most important days for me? Hehehe 🙂

CARS

Cars. They are a very stupid invention! The only good thing about cars, as I see it, is that they give alot of people alot of work! Come on, think about it; think about the raw materials required to build one. Think of the actual construction and all waste it produces. Then the fuel, oil-rigs aren’t environment friendly either, and then the gases produced by the motors and all that that does to the greenhouse effect. Then think about all people & other living things killed or injured by cars every year. Don’t forget all the space and wonderful nature we’d have if it wasn’t for all the roads (the construction of roads isn’t environment friendly either!). And then when it has outlived its usefulness, it’s dumped to just corrode away. So why are we using cars so much? Same with smoking – people know it’s bad for them, they know their lungs are taking damage, they know their stinking up the place, themselves and their clothes. Still they do it.


People really are stupid

RELIGION

I’m one of those people who doesn’t care much for religion. I’m an agnostic. And the other day I found out why I don’t like religion: I got into a discussion with a guy from Israel about Natalie Portman’s religion. My first response was very nasty, almost rude. I realised that before sending it, so I deleted it and waited a few days to write a new reply to him, this one based on facts. But it worries me that I, a person who doesn’t care that much about it, got upset and almost lost my manners when talking about it.

OWNING A CAR

So how many reacted to me saying it’s been six months? That’s right, I got to counting, it’s only been five months! Stupid me 🙂

Anyways, so I’ve really gotten used to driving now. I think it’s kinda fun, even sitting in queues in to Stockholm. But there are three huge drawbacks to driving compared to commuting. 1) Money! It’s so expensive driving here, most of all because of the gas! 2) I’ve eliminated the little exercise I used to get, which was walking to the trainstation! c) I hate to sound repetitive, but there’s not that many women to sit and admire. Sure, there’s a couple of them but that’s when you’re reminded that “HEY, you’re DRIVING!”.
(I’m purposly avoiding mentioning anything that happened in the F1 race in Austria)

IN THE SUMMER TIME

So summer is here. With a bang! You know what that means, right? Sleepless nights for Kris (don’t know why I have a problem sleeping when it’s warm, I just do), but more importantly, the women are dressing less. I work in the central part of Stockholm this week so I decided to take a stroll around the blocks the other day (I was actually on a mission, more on that in another update) and lets just say I’m glad I wasn’t driving! Some say people who are overly checking out women are insecure about their sexuality… well, I’m not and it’s good to get a confirmation about that a little now and then, considering it’s been… shit, almost six months…

SW Ep. II premieres tomorrow (at midnight actually, 00:01), but I’ve already seen it but just have to go anyway. If not to compensate for the fact I saw the pirate version off the internet, then for the huge bangs duing the asteroid hunt sequence! I’ll be going to the 18.20 showing on thursday at FS Sergel, so if you’re there, please say “hi” 🙂

GETTING OLD

So I just saw “Spiderman”… I can summon that movie up in one word – ripoff! This movie steals stuff from Grease to Star Wars. But it’s stylish. And when Spiderman saved his damsel in distress I got one more “signs you’re getting old!” – “when those little girls you saw in movies a while back starts playing the babe in today’s movies”.

Let me ellaborate:
The two most talked-about movies right now is “Spiderman” and “Star Wars Episode II”. The first ones has a babe who needs to be saved by her hero. That babe is played by Kirsten Dunst. “Star Wars Episode II” also has a babe who needs to be saved by her hero. That girl is played by Natalie Portman.
FLASHBACK back to 1994, Kirsten Dunst won an MTV award for her part in “Interview with a Vampire” and Natalie was just awesome in “Léon”. So having seen these girls grow up through their movies and now all of a sudden their playing the babes? DUDE, I was seriously checking out Kirsten Dunst’s contribution to the “Best Wet T-shirt”-contest when this thought hit me. Not a pleasent one…